The Anti-Small Talk Workshop - Letters from Esther Perel

February 10, 2021

Letters from Esther

“Grief and Growth: The New Questions That Help Us Create Closeness Now” 

My responses to her questions:

In a post-Covid world of social distancing, do we feel socially distant?

For me, yes.

When you’re longing to socialise, what are you specifically longing for?

Physical presence and emotional assurance that we are in this together.

What other emotions come up for you?

Feelings of insecurity of being unloved, unheard, unfelt and insignificant.

When you’re feeling antisocial, what aspects of socialising are you looking to avoid?

The energy drain from empathising with someone else or listening to a long rant. Usually, this state is a result of physical exhaustion.

What other emotions come up for you?

Frustration that I am not allowed to rest.

When people ask you “how are you doing?” what do you say?

I'm alright. I've been busy working.

What do you wish you could say?

I am thankful to God for my work although at times I do feel unmotivated and lethargic. Personally, I am feeling increasingly concerned about my finances due to the uncertainty of living in Covid times.

What is something that feels sensitive to talk about now?

Race and social discrimination.

How are you negotiating boundaries at this moment?

I am trying to keep work and personal time separate.

And reacting to the boundaries of others?

Understanding where others stand and working around their behaviour and my expectations of their behaviour.

How have your expectations of friends changed?

I am more wary of those who do not practise good personal hygiene and social distancing.

How have you maintained connections this year?

Zoom calls and small group meet-ups.

What do you wish you would have done differently to maintain your connections?

I hope to pluck up my courage to call more people over the phone.

Take Home Questions

What’s something you learned about yourself in this past year that surprised you?

I am braver than I believed.

What would you like to learn or create this year?

I hope to learn to cook more dishes.

What would you like to stop doing, let go of, or release?

I would like to stop procrastinating and worry less.

What is a dream you’ve never revealed aloud?

There is a reason why I don't reveal such dreams. They should never see the light of day.

What’s the best prank you’ve ever pulled off?

A switcheroo with a close friend whom I resemble.

Can you describe a time when you felt a moment of truth?

At job interviews.

What’s a role you would like to have or create in the new political administration?

Not applicable.

What is a question you are now willing to ask that you weren’t before?

I'm not sure. I think it depends on the context.

What is the quiet signal that we need to be listening for?

??

What’s the best date you’ve ever been on?

Sitting in silence by the sea.

What music would you want to play at your funeral?

An upbeat/inspiring/encouraging/positive Christian song.

What darkness must we sit with because it’s vital we witness?

We need to accept our feelings of loneliness and despair towards our vulnerabilities, then look to Jesus Christ to embrace our source of comfort and strength.

How has your definition of success changed?

It has not changed much. An indicator of success to me is the strength of my relationships and the number of lives I have impacted for the better.