Coping Mechanisms for Building Self-confidence
This post is for those who struggle with internal and external critics who destroy your self-confidence and create anxiety in you, whether knowingly or unknowingly.
As someone who struggled with low self-esteem and anxiety for most of my youth, been through several cycles of professional counselling (which I would highly encourage anyone to seek when one has no one to turn to for advice) and walked out feeling much more empowered and confident, I have found these tips to be helpful to me and thus I am sharing them with you.
1. Get out of the environment that causes you anxiety temporarily so that you can shed those intense, overwhelming emotions. Do something safe that relaxes you e.g. drinking some jasmine tea, listening to soothing music, taking a walk, painting, singing, etc. If you don't have a go-to activity, choose one and ease yourself into a routine.
(I once walked for 6 hours straight just to calm down. It was literally a cross-country walk that resulted in blisters but the pain and thirst eventually wore me out and I began to appreciate the things I took for granted - water and shelter.)
2. Focus on your breathing, gradually slowing it down.
3. Reflect:
- Are those negative voices telling the truth? Can they be empirically proven? Is there a pattern of recurring negative outcomes based on my decisions?
- Do I regret my actions? Would I do things differently if faced with a similar situation in the future?
However, if you answered a 'yes' to any one of the above, first acknowledge the extent of your involvement (e.g. your motives and actions) in the matter. If your intentions are pure, then consider if your actions express that motive accurately.
E.g. I feel insecure. I have turned to heavy drinking when all I wanted was some encouragement.
Then plan an alternative action to take when you feel a trigger coming.
E.g. If I wanted encouragement, how can I get it in a way that doesn't hurt myself and other people further? Should I seek individual or group counselling? Can I get myself in a positive environment filled with people with the desired traits who can nurture me into the person I hope to become?
If all else fails, help others in a similar situation.
I hope this helps you. Don't give up! :)
